Poem- Never Be Yours (TW- Sexual Assault)

Poem- Never Be Yours (TW- Sexual Assault)

-Trigger warning- sexual assault/rape-

 

You can try and convince me that I’m yours all you want.

You can try and show me what you think of me

with all that hunger in your stare

as you look at my body and my face

(that I would once mistake as interest)

a kind of mutated desire, a dangerous possessive glare.

 

To be afraid of someone’s eyes

brings a slammed door upon your own

No matter how much you

look at me

hurt me

tell me

‘you’re mine’

I won’t listen to your ownership

If you can’t listen to things you don’t want to hear

(I’m guessing you know what deaf ears feel like?)

 

I don’t care if it makes you angry

(Even if it’s the type that you sometimes fancy)

Because I’ll leave you burning until you’re smoke

Reminding you that it’s your own fire that’s burning your pride

When you’ve scalded mine over and over and

Seething and simmering as I warm my hands on what’s left of

your hunger

a repulsive appetite

 

I was the hungry body to match your hungry mind

Claw at my legs, burn it in to me if you want

But no matter how many times you want to claim me

I wasn’t, I am not, and I will never be

yours.

-Emma Catherine
Instagram @rain.on.rosy.cheeks
WordPress thelilaclysander.wordpress.com

 

Love Yourself beyond your body

Love Yourself beyond your body

love the parts of you that you never even think of
your elbows and your brain
your laugh, your stride, your expressions
love the bits of you that you hate
snores, sneezes, dodgy hip, achy neck
make sure you love the things you can’t see but know are there
the attitude that sparks blazes
and the shyness that makes your cheeks glow amber
most importantly
love yourself beyond your body
love yourself when you give more love than you take
or when you ache in your stomach from feeling
everything all at once or nothing at all
that part of you that feels every emotion of your friends
even when it seems like no one understands your brain
the mind of so many ideas its like a firework display
or the gentle calm you bring when you smile
remember to love your voice as well
not what it sounds like, but the words it speaks
love the chaos in what you scream
and the power in what you sing
(even if it’s only in the shower)
love yourself because of who you love
and
love yourself because you’re learning to love yourself.

-Emma Catherine
Instagram @rain.on.rosy.cheeks
thelilaclysander.wordpress.com

Poem- To Rebuild a Body

Poem- To Rebuild a Body

The desire to starve, destroy, bleed, break apart and balloon
Is a gaslight where our stomach should be and a bonfire between our ears
Like it’s the only thing that’s keeping us warm
It’s the blood that carries our oxygen and our glucose
And it’s nerves that are threaded through our bodies
And to rebuild a body to make it work
Feels like the thought of splitting every atom in the soil of Earth and growing worms in their place
Because when your body grows brittle from the riptides of euphoria
And your neck becomes sore from carrying the poison that you can’t seem to get out of your skin
It’s time to say
If it takes flooding my stomach to extinguish that fire
And a blot of lightning to calm those nerves sewn into me
And an explosion of those infinite atoms that make up the earth beneath our feet
Just to make sense of ourselves and rebuild ourselves
Then
That’s what it takes.

~by Emma Cunningham

Emotional abuse: my experience, the signs

Emotional abuse: my experience, the signs

~in which I share my own experience of emotional abuse through signs that I noticed on reflection of my childhood~

  • Being ignored, unsure of what I have done to deserve this, for extended periods of time, meanwhile parental roles were neglected. Often Y was left to look after me while X refused to acknowledge my existence, even while I was very young.
  • Fear and anxiety when X is talking to me or nearby, I find myself wanting to keep any contact to a minimum.
  • Discomfort and unease with any phsycial contact.
  • X was often found to be reading my diary or searching my bedroom while I was not there- this was a strong breach of my privacy. X often looks through my bin.
  • X often would control how much money I spent and what I spent my money on. Y was often not allowed to spend money unless it was approved by X.
  • X controls and decides for me some of my major life decisions, such as what options I was taking for a level and what degree I would like to take at uni.
  • Y feeling like she wants to escape the partnership, yet feeling powerless to do so.
  • X often expresses anger undirectly through sarcasm, slamming of dishes and talking down to Y and I.

Stay strong,

Emma.