What anorexia left me / TW

What anorexia left me / TW

My body is as hollow as my bones.

My insides have been carved out time after time and now there is nothing left. There is space for oceans inside of me.

There is a hole in my life where it used to be. As I shrunk the illness grew like a balloon inside of me until there was room for nothing else.

I repeat it to myself like a prayer before bed: who am I who am I who am I.

My mind is heartbroken.

Restriction turned into a love affair. I felt the power of someone who was in love and loved. And now I am alone. It took half of my heart with it when it left.

My friends talk about heartbreak as if it can only happen to people in relationships but I say to them no, I have been split in two

I wonder how long it will take me to get over it. I wonder if I will love again.

My skin is bruised and yellow.

One of the first signs of an abusive relationship if the mysterious bruises. And although it never laid its hands on me, I was battered and bumped from edge to edge. Like a peach turning rotten and cold.

Only now am I healing.

My smile is returning,

It reaches up through my eyes and embraces you when you make me laugh.

It’s hope. Hope of Emma returning. Piece by piece.

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